Published October 26, 2018 in Summit Magazine
They said it was newborn jitters. But to Abigail, the episodes looked different than anything she had seen with her first two children. Abigail (Reimer) Tanner first attended CSU in 2002, studying Bible and Music Education. She sang in Chamber Singers, performed in theatre productions and served on Student Leadership Council. “I appreciated all of the opportunities,” she describes. “I was able to dive into theology and also pursue acting and singing…It was a sweet marriage of the things I loved.”
She met Justin Tanner in San Diego, California, and they married in 2010. Cash was born two years later, followed by Cloe on New Year’s Eve in 2014. Lincoln was born January 8, 2017.
Leading up to his arrival, the Tanners moved from a mold-infested rental house into a 9-month RV adventure on the San Diego harbor. Three months before Lincoln’s birth, they settled in a home in Pendleton, South Carolina.
A few days later, Tanner wasn’t convinced her baby’s episodes were typical for a newborn, but when he started turning purple, her suspicions were confirmed.
Heartache and Healing
Lincoln was admitted to the hospital, and Tanner learned about Malignant Migrating Partial Seizures of Infancy through an online search. “As I held Lincoln tightly in his crib, tangled in EEG cords and IVs and monitors, my heart sunk when I read about MMPSI,” she recalls. “We were still weeks away from getting the genetic testing back, but in my heart, I knew.” In this form of epilepsy, seizures migrate around the brain—resistant to medications. Most children with this extremely rare gene mutation (1 in 60 million) only develop the skills of a 5-month-old, have weak muscle tone and never develop language skills. Many do not survive past early childhood.
Tanner read the description and somehow knew it applied to her son. She wept. She cried out to God. Playing a piano she found in the hospital helped her get through the weight of her emotions. When she returned to Lincoln’s room, a nurse was there to pray with her. “God was in every single moment of the heartache,” she says.
Lincoln endured a three-month hospital stay, while Tanner and her husband traveled between him and their older children at home an hour away. They made the six-hour drive to Duke University Hospital an average of every other weekend this past year.
Lincoln receives a number of medicines around the clock, each crushed, mixed with water and given through his g-tube. He uses a feeding pump, and as the daily seizures continue, he keeps up regular appointments with around a dozen doctors and therapists. Doctors are hoping to gain more control of Lincoln’s seizures, get him back to oral feedings and weaned off his most sedating medicine, all with the hope that his family can look into his eyes and see their sweet boy smile.
Looking back, Tanner can see how God placed things into their lives to prepare the family. As newlyweds, He taught the couple to persevere as they ran a stressful business together. Living in hotels and an RV allowed the children to experience a flexible lifestyle.
Unexpected Stage
Through the hardest days, Tanner’s passion for music has been her gift, her outlet and her outreach. God gave her access to a piano in each hospital. “Without fail, every time I’ve sat down and played, I’ve had the opportunity to hear someone else’s story or pray with them, or God has used a very specific song for a specific person. It’s been incredible that God would use this beautiful chaotic season to begin a music ministry of sorts in the hospital.”
At CSU, the California girl ministered through music from the stages of churches and chapel. She went on to lead worship occasionally, but music was put on hold once she became a mom. God has now created an unexpected stage on hospital floors for this vocalist and pianist. As Tanner uses music to help her process her own emotions, she’s reaching others who hunger for hope.
“The opportunities God has given me have opened my eyes to the fact that my voice isn’t for me at all. God has given me this ability for the purpose of speaking to the hearts and souls of others,” she admits. A video of her singing to Lincoln on one of those unlikely stages went viral, attracting the attention of more from media outlets such as “People Magazine” online and “Inside Edition.” Because the Lord used this circumstance to reawaken her passion and reveal a greater purpose, she plans to record her music to share with others soon.
Nearly 5,000 people now follow the family’s journey through “Lincoln’s Road” on Facebook. Tanner is transparent as she shares her struggles, and she and her husband are bold in proclaiming their faith. “We hope to walk Lincoln’s Road out loud as we fight to keep the faith and to show the world that his life is worth living. Disabilities are not a burden on society,” she emphasizes. “They bring out the best in us, and God continually uses this little boy who can’t speak to preach a greater message of hope in Jesus!”
Tanner founded The Lighthouse Project, which allows people to “adopt” a family caring for someone with MMPSI. Friends from her CSU days have prayed, sent packages and recruited their churches to pray. God sent them encouragement “from every corner of the globe,” but she knows many don’t have the same support system. “My heart is to shine the light of Christ into the darkest, loneliest homes—to remind these families they aren’t forgotten nor are they alone,” she says.
Going with God
Despite circumstances—or possibly because of them—Tanner says her faith is more firmly rooted than ever before. “Lincoln is one of the very best things that could’ve happened to us.” Tanner says he’s taught her family empathy, compassion, grace and perseverance, acknowledging “Suffering has made joy even sweeter.” She describes her youngest son as a tough, brave and content boy who makes the world brighter and more meaningful. “I would never have chosen this terminal, rare disease for Lincoln, but I’d choose him every time—no matter what package he came in.”
To stay grounded in the faith, she encourages others to trade “what ifs” for truth, remembering God’s promises. “As you fight to trust God, remember that He is sovereign over every detail of your life…His purposes are greater than our minds can comprehend.” She continues, “He has held me in the darkest hour. He has seen every seizure, ever doctor appointment, every hardship, every joy. I don’t have to wonder if He understands where I’m coming from. I don’t have to explain myself. I don’t have to guard my heart before Him. He knows everything. He knows exactly what it would take to heal Lincoln. He knows how many days we will have with Lincoln. He also knows what magnificence lies ahead in heaven. God has sustained us, met all of our needs, loved us so faithfully, and encouraged us. He has demonstrated His love for us again and again. How can I not rely on Him?”
-Erika A. Bruckner (’04) is a Communications-Writing graduate from Clarks Summit, Pennsylvania
